Beauty In Deep-Spirited Friends

     Through verses, and lots of good quality talk time with other Christians God is really showing me how beautiful fellowship is! It's so awesome to see the intricate way God has brought our lives together! How in his big plan of things is the great bond of friendship with other believers!
     I used to be the girl to answer "Good!" to every "How are you?" Like the world expected me to always be good! Yes I smile a lot, but I do very much have my wreck days! Almost as if I'd let people down if I wasn't good, if life wasn't going great! In meeting a beautifully obedient and passionate Christian, Katie Clifton, God started teaching me about being raw and real with people. Pushing me to share my faith more openly. Instead of covering up spiritual wounds with bandages, exposing them and sharing them with other people who can relate and learn from it at the same time! Exposing the real raw problems and wounds.
     God really taught me this at Reality Weekend this past January. I kind of helped lead the great group of girls at the home we were staying at! In that, during the times of awkward silence after a tough question, to break the ice I would share what I got from it, or how God had worked in me in that way. Forcing me to reveal a real side of me that doesn't come up until much later in a relationship. That's also when I decided to start blogging to continue sharing my faith in a bigger spectrum. Deciding to be real and truthful, even when it meant calling myself out on some flaws. Showing and sharing the hurt of my heart, those insecurities that mock me in the back of my mind. It's not always easy, and not always fun, but it has made a huge difference in many relationships! Building me up as a Christian and finding others with the same lurking insecurities so we can grow together in Christ! This semester I've really worked on stepping out and sharing real things about my faith and walk with God to other Christians, and non-Christians.
     Today a beautiful cousin of mine, Savannah, came into town. She said she really wanted to go to Starbucks, check some emails, that kind of thing. As Savannah and I actually have had very little alone time in our lives I tagged along, not nearly knowing the wonderful outcome! We were there for HOURS, completely lost track of time! Sharing with each other about our faith, and certain struggles we've gone through! Talking about how God has held us and brought us through all these different situations, and also realizing a lot of traits we have in common! How much we could relate to the other's story!
     I'm so glad in God's big big plan for the world he designed fellowship. Christians building up Christians! It's truly a beautiful thing! All of us under one true King worshiping, celebrating, and even sharing our hurts.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17 God made us to build each other up! To encourage and keep our other Christians accountable for Christ's way!

"I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery." Colossians 2:2

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20 It super cool seeing God give us words through serious fellowship time! When someone comes to you, telling you about a struggle and God gives you want they need to hear!

"That very day two of them were going to a village named Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and they were talking with each other about all these things that had happened.  While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them." Luke 24:13 I totally feel like God did that with Savannah and me today!! It was amazing!

"If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." Philippians 2:1-4 Read this in the "How To Love A Friend" reading plan on YouVersion Bible App!

Fellowship is a beautiful thing!

Out Of The Dust

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

     These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs, Beautiful Things by Gungor. Sunday June 9th at about three o'clock in the morning I starting making my way from dust to one of God's "beautiful things." I'm not saying I'm amazing now, or I'm super perfect. I'm just saying God's working in my heart. I'm leaning on God for my strength and my faith.

     I know some of you have noticed I haven't been in the best shape recently. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I haven't been myself. I've felt more like a jumbled mess of pieces. If I am to be super honest about it the jumbled mess came from my best friend leaving. I know, I know. People leave, move on, all the time. What's the big deal? First you have to realize how closely I hold my family(including people outside of my actual genetic family) to my heart. Finally you have to realize I have a problem with idolizing my closest of close friends. Not physically standing there worshiping them, but putting them above God on my priority list. And this isn't nearly the first time I've put someone over God. 

     When all the seniors of 2011 graduated my heart crumbled, crashed. I was so confused on why God was taking away my best friend and all the other seniors I held so dear. I spent that summer bitter and angry with God. Refusing to see what God had for me. Then I found Maddie. Beautiful, hilarious Maddie. In all of us, male or female, is a deep deep part that wants to be good enough. That's yearns to be worth something. And with that women are longing to be called beautiful as well. Without realizing I was doing it, I put all this weight on Maddie. I put my happiness and my faith in Maddie. Not the one true Savior.

     Once again at the end of this school year I was left crying. Screaming at God "Why? Why am I always alone? Why can't I be good enough for someone to just not leave me?" Do you ever have fighting thoughts? Not like multiple personalities or anything, but like in these stupid moments a thought that straightens you out again. Right after this teenage girl moment came a fight back thought. "What are you talking about? You're not alone! You are never alone! God is always with you! God is always holding you!" That shut me up for sure, but then I pushed it aside choosing to wallowing in my own self-pity rather than learn the hard lesson God had for me. I've done that often as a Christian. Choose not to learn a lesson because I'd rather not go through the pruning process God has for me. Because that lesson means I have to lose control over my life, that I have to give it to God.

     Why have I always been so stupid? There is a part of me made only for God. That deep deep longing is made as a place only He can fill. Because in Him, through His grace and strength, I am made whole.

     Psalm 146:3-9 "Don’t put your life in the hands of experts who know nothing of life, of salvation life. Mere humans don’t have what it takes; when they die, their projects die with them. Instead, get help from the God of Jacob, put your hope in God and know real blessing! God made sky and soil, sea and all the fish in it. He always does what he says— he defends the wronged, he feeds the hungry. God frees prisoners— he gives sight to the blind, he lifts up the fallen. God loves good people, protects strangers, takes the side of orphans and widows, but makes short work of the wicked.^" 

     God alone frees, saves, and gives me faith. "I may be weak, but your spirit's strong in me! My flesh may fail, but my God you never will!" Those lyrics are completely applicable. Without God working in me I'm just a lazy, insecure, stupid sinner. Only through Him, and Christ's death on the cross, can I be saved. It's only been about a week since my turn around. But I've kept my self in his word. Staying connected to the vine. John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

 I share all of this in only hope that it will glorify God. Whether you also deal with idolatry, or even just to keep me accountable and on track with God.

Theme Of My Life: Love

     If you really know me, you know I'm your typical southern girl who was raised on a family first mentality. Of all the things my parents instilled in me growing up I am most thankful for that. It was definitely a lesson I needed considering the huge family I have! Another thing about me, I am your stereotypical big girl. I dance wherever whenever. I love giving big momma hugs. And I have quite a large heart, it's just a fact.
     With the big heart comes a lot of emotion. Particularly for goodbyes. I'm not good at them, nor do I like them. Let me rephrase, I am AWFUL at goodbyes. Not my strong suit. Today, for example, was our seniors last day at school. There are many seniors I will be missing but the one that just jabs in like a knife is saying goodbye to my ultimate best friend, Madeline. I know I'm going to see her throughout the summer, and when she's away at college I'll probably be bugging her constantly, but I could not handle it today. Still trying to, actually. She had to come get me today off the bathroom floor so I wouldn't be late to 2nd block. I was pitiful to say the least! I mean, she came in when I was trying not to go into a  full on panic attack while sobbing, she got me to calm down enough, got my butt off the floor, picked up my stuff and said "Come on Cassafrass." See why she's the best? I know, she's awesome! I feel like that scene is the perfect example of our Saviors to His broken sinners. Coming in, even with seeing all the mess, picking up the pieces, putting us back together, grabbing the weight that was crushing us, and says "Come on, I got you."
"God, pick up the pieces. Put me back together again. You are my praise" Jeremiah 17:14
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31
God has no problem picking up the pieces. He wants us to rely on Him!
     There have been many goodbyes in my life(as yours as well), teacher after wonderful teacher, grandparents, and so many graduating seniors I can't see straight. I'm not going to lie, most of these if not all have been dealt with a lot of tears. A lot of pain. But every single time God's like "Come on girl! Are we going to do this again? Okay lets do this." He comes in and overwhelms my mind, and heart, with love. Memories of all the love he has given me. He reminds me of every smile, every laugh, every blessing, every sweet baby, every comforting hug, every teacher, every sibling, every uncle, every aunt, every cousin, every close friend, every church member, and all my moms! :) God has totally lavished my whole life with so many loved one! And all that loved wrapped up still couldn't compare to the love of my Redeemer! With all the love and gifts God has given me, how could I be any thing but grateful! He's given such a life full of love to such an unworthy person. Ever heard the song A Thousand Years by Christina Perri? I consider the chorus God's love song. "I have died everyday waiting for you! Darling don't be afraid I have loved you For a thousand years, I love you for a thousand more! And all along I believed I would find you! Time has brought your heart to me! I have loved you for a thousand years, I love you for a thousand more" Consumed by, lavished with, so much love. For eternity. I am so honored, humbled.
You see all these people, all these great times? They are only a snippet of the all my loved ones, of all the smiles and laughs, all the blessing. Eternally grateful.

Where Are You Searching For Love?

• The book "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" by Angela Thomas has particularly highlighted this topic; and is where this post is coming from. Side note: I suggest ALL women read this! You want to see God's love for you, how much he cares for you? READ THIS BOOK!

     If you really dig down "where does your happiness come from?" and "what are you putting our faith into?" are two big questions that really need to be dealt with. What you put your trust, your love, your faith, and life into makes all the difference in the world! So often we find ourselves as teenage girls, or even adult women, searching desperately for love. For the ultimate romance! We desire the chase! We want a knight in shining armor to ride in! We want someone that thinks we are the most beautiful girl to ever exist, and love us forever! We want the perfect man. A guy who can be sensitive to our feelings, but at the same time a strong man to hold us and protect us. What most of us haven't realized: WE ALREADY HAVE THAT! We have an amazing God that is all of that and more! He is chasing after you with full on passion! He's our knight! He road down from heaven to save us from our sin! He is our perfect guy! He knows your whole heart, the depths of your soul, and thinks you are BEAUTIFUL! He is in love with you!
     When we chase this ultimate love, but look for it in guys, and not our Savior, something truly heartbreaking happens. This guy can't give you that full pure love your heart is made for. Even if you put all your chips into the relationship, you won't get out what you're really looking for. You'll end up with disappointment. He can't fill that longing in your heart. So many girls think if they push harder maybe they can fill that wanting through their relationship. They take it to a level only meant for marriage, hoping this will finally be where they are loved with a full love. Your boyfriend, fiance, husband can very much truly love you, but they are only a vessel of God's ultimate love!
     When we can't find that love, when the boy that gives us butterflies in our stomachs ends up not that in to us, we feel like there's something wrong with us. Am I pretty? Am I interesting? Am I good enough for your love and affection? When we go searching for these answers in men we'll only end up with the same conclusion. But God chooses to love you! Even through every thing man kind has sinned against him, God still loves us!
     Why should you trust what I'm trying to get through to you? Who am I? I am a teenage girl that has never even held a guy's hand before, so what could I possibly know about relationships? These opinions are all supported by the Bible. Of which is nothing but truth!

• "I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8:38-39.  NOTHING can stop God's love for you!
• "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17. God will REJOICE over you, He will quite that broken heart, He will EXULT you with loud singing! He is proud to call you His daughter! He's that proud parent in the audience shouting "That's my girl!"
• "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23. The only way to completely guard your heart is to keep it with God. If your man isn't one with God, he's not ready to handle your heart.
• "There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body."1 Corinthians 6: 16-20.
  
  
  
       Too many times I hear of girls giving their hearts and their virginities away not realizing how precious they are! The topic is just too big and too common for me not to try to shed some light on it! You will never be able to fill that desperate longing for love and to be called beautiful without God.

Tired of Running

     Still trying to figure things out. But who isn't, right? For probably the last two weeks I just haven't been myself. Not the happy, I love you so much, lets all be friends Cassy Strickland that I try to be. About a month or so ago my family got a some bad news. Not just "Oh no I need to go get a new washer" (that's a very odd example, I realize) but like punch you in the gut, how could this be happening again kind of news. If you've read the past few posts you know within around 7 years I have lost two very dear grandparents. Both from my mothers side. My sweet, sweet Nottos. The news was first: "Pawpaw has cancer, a tumor on his esophagus." then: "He has cancer all over."
     The news has flooded my mind with all the horrible memories of watching my grandparents get sicker and sicker.

•   Grandma, always so little and fragile. I didn't understand for a long time why mom always told me to hug her gently when I saw her. I can't imagine having to break the news to your children about their first experience with death. One day right before dropping me off at Angie Grant, I was grilling my mom about when I'd get to see Grandma next. Mom told me "Honey, you may never get to see Grandma again." I cried all morning. The day I actually got to see her I was so nervous. I got in, saw all the suppressed grim looks on my aunts and uncles faces, but not until I saw Grandma did my heart actually sink. A little bit of reality had entered my world. She couldn't talk because of all the tubes. I was so scared I didn't say a word, and mom basically made me hug her goodbye. If then I'd known that would be the last I'd ever get to see her I would have done so much more! I would have told her how much I love her, I would have given her the biggest hug! The last day before Christmas break, December 20th, 2006, my dad picked me up early for school. I thought it was awesome! I hopped in his truck all smiles, and then he told me "Sweety.. Grandma passed away today." The Cassy you guys know now would be sobbing, but me then decided "No. Be strong. No crying." I sat there emotionless, but secretly dying inside, as my dad broke the news to my sister. For the next couple of days I kept the promise to myself, I wouldn't cry. Mom and all of my dearest aunts and uncles were heartbroken, they didn't need another sad person around. I stuck with it all the way to Grandma's funeral. Dad walked in and I went up to hug him and then completely lost it. He just held me as I ruined his tie with my tears. The reality of death didn't only enter my world, it smashed it.
•   After Grandma's death I got a lot of quality time with Grandpa. While I wouldn't trade that time with him for the world, it also gave me the live show of watching him get weaker and weaker. I can't give you an exact time line of it all, but not super long after Grandma's death we found out Grandpa has cancer. Possibly 7th grade? I don't think it was so bad the first go around, but of course that could have been my mind not believing how sick he was. The second time was tough. Seeing him so weak after chemo was horrible. One time Madeline and I actually went with him and my mom. We saw all the sick, and hurting and decided to try to make people smile. We turned on some music and danced for like an hour in the waiting room. At some point in the beginning of 9th grade Grandpa had to go to the ICU in Memphis. I begged my mom to let me go with her so she let me. We, my mom, some aunts and uncles, and myself, spent the night in the waiting room. And then the whole next day (for me anyway). The whole time just hoping and praying he would make it through this. He did. He pulled out of that one. On October 6th, 2010 while going over a lesson in Algebra 2 a note was sent from the office saying I was being checked out. The only thing I could recently think of was that Aunt Jeanna hurt herself, and for a moment my heart raced worrying something else had happened to her. I walked in the office seeing my mom leaned over in a seat by the front window. She looked up. Her eyes we red and puffy. She told me that Grandpa's helper found him that morning in his bed. I said "Okay" and ran out before anyone could see me cry. I flew down the stairs, ran to my locker, slammed it open and started shoving all my stuff in my backpack. My mom followed and told me her and Madeline were leaving now and I could go with them. My first thought was absolutely yes. I wanted to be with my family. Then I realized I had two massive tests, and a Green Team meeting that I hadn't given anyone else the notes to. I had to stay. I probably could have gotten out of it, but I think deep down I couldn't face all of that yet. I needed a few more hours of normal. I teared up in just about every class, not really telling anyone why. I waited, I couldn't explode at school. I got home didn't talk to anyone, went straight in my room. I closed the door, threw myself on the bed covering up my screaming/crying with my pillow. Praise Jesus that night was a Wednesday. I told my dad there was no way I was missing church. I went on to Emily's cell group and crumbled into the people I could be completely comfortable with. Emily and Mrs. Shaleen. They both held my hands and prayed over me. Grandpa funeral was miserable. Trying to stay strong for my obviously breaking family in front of me, I held Madeline's hand keeping myself together. I was pretty good until one of Mom's sweetest friends, Mrs. Jackie, came over said "Aww baby I'm so sorry" and gave me a big hug. I lost it from there. Going to the same plot we cried over so many times now to bury another.

     That's a lot to consume someone's mind. Especially knowing that that same kind of stuff is about to start happening again. At first I just cried and cried about it. Multiple times a day. My mom coming home every night could tell I'd been crying. The past two weeks I snapped to a side of me I don't like. The don't want to feel anything, who cares, shut up you're annoying, dead hearted, flat out bitter "call me Mara" side of myself. Basically always angry. I've been angry, no, furious with God. Again he was putting me through this. AGAIN. Honestly, I'm still trying to fix everything. I guess I actually have to rely on God to fix that mess. I'm still finding my way back. Sunday I cried for the first time in two weeks. Tom at the end of service was talking about giving whatever was going on to God. I sat down and sobbed in my hands. Tonight during worship I was full out singing, crying out to my God during this song:

"Will your grace run out
If I let you down
'Cause all I know
Is how to run"
-I have been running, or better yet sprinting from God.

"'Cause I am a sinner
If it's not one thing it's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies"
-Such a sinner. Lying to myself that I didn't need help. I was fine on my own. I didn't need God.

"But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful"
-I am broken, and still slightly crumbling. Only God can put the mess that is my heart back together. Praying for peace and faith.

"But take heart, for I have overcome the world."

     Not until recently have I noticed how real the presence of Satan is. While of course I've known Satan is real, I've never really put much thought into it. I kind of considered him like one day he's going to go tempt Sam, and the next Lilly, and every once in awhile he'll get around to me and I'll need God to fight him off. Not like "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour"1 Peter 5:8 He has such a bigger presence than I realized! Satan is crafty. He knows your insecurities, and he knows how to use them! "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..."(The first half of John 10: 10) He only comes to destroy you; your soul.

     Ask pretty much any teenage girl you meet, and they'll tell you they have/had insecurities about their appearance. So of course, I, a teenage girl that's over-weight and built like a wall, have many insecurities about myself. It's always the same cycle:

Satan knows how to get in my head and tell me that the world's opinion of beauty is what counts. That unless I'm super skinny and gorgeous, I worthless. BUT IT'S SO UNTRUE! Genesis 1:27-"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." 1 Samuel 16:7- "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
     My other, big momma, always-bugging-me-no-matter-where-I'm-in-with-my-walk-with-God insecurity is with relationships. If you've noticed, the thing that is most important to me in this world is my family. Not only biological, but the one that I got to choose. The people I'm closest to, the ones I love uncontrollably and unconditionally, the people that make me cry just thinking about how much I love them, yeah Satan attacks every big relationship I have; whether it be my best friend or my "pack of mommas." Every single day, at least once but usually way more, Satan slips in horrible thoughts. "They don't really care about you." "You mean nothing to them." "Their too nice to tell you that they wish you'd just leave them alone!" "You're so annoying; stop bugging them." These bring me to tears a lot. Today even. Satan knows how to go straight to what I care about most and "steal, kill, and destroy." Luckily I've been learning to turn to my bible and just talk to God through these times. Mostly I go read about his love.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

Romans 5:8 "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

1 John 4:9-11 "In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."

1 Peter 5:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

     And I look up verses to give me strength:
Ephesians 6:11 "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil."

Isaiah 41:10 "fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

John 16:33"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

     Fighting off Satan is a constant battle, but with God on my side "Whom shall I fear?"

God's Blessings

  "When we consider the blessings of God—the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering—friendship is very near the top." -Donald W. McCullough
  My last post was about how God has a plan for everything; specifically the bad. This go around I would like to tell you about all the GOOD he has put in my life! My heart just smiles about this subject; my MVPs. The most valuable people God has put in my life!
  I am a very strong believer in keeping good company. Having the people closest to you, the ones you tell everything to, and go to for advice as strong Christians. People who are constantly going to encourage you in your walk with God. As Mark Cox has said MANY times, "Show me your friends, and I can show you your future." Proverbs 12:26 "One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." Proverbs 13:20 "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." 1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" Proverbs 11:14 "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Bottom line, it is very important to have good friends!
  I know for a fact God has placed some truly wonderful people in my life! First off, he placed me in a wonderful family filled with so much love! A family that is always trying to do things for one another. Secondly he has given me some great friends! For instance, Kylee Gattin. We've been friends since the 4th grade (if they can make it through the awkward middle school years, you better keep them!!) Or my gorgeous best friend, Madeline Coltharp, who is a true beauty at heart! But most of all I would l o v e to tell you about my church family!
  When I say family, I mean it! I would do absolutely anything for that exceptional group of people! Ten10 is definitely where I've gotten the majority of my views on life, and on God. Mentioned below are just a handful of people God has blessed me with! If I went through everyone who has impacted me from ISBC, we'd be here for awhile.

• Let's start with the Pilcher family. I know God gave me them, I have been just completely wrapped in love by Mrs. Becky, Emily, and Bethany. I first met Emily in the 7th grade. We both volunteered to help with mailers from church. She has been there for me through so much! The love and teachings of God are constantly spilling out of that beautiful girl! When we first met she mentioned that if I ever decided to come on Sundays her mom would be my Small Group leader! In 8th grade a youth worker (she's coming up soon, promise!) suggested that I come with her to church on Sunday! Of course I took the opportunity and went! That's when I met Mrs. Becky! One of the sweetest people you'll ever meet! I first met Bethany, Emily's little sister, at Beach Camp in 2009! Once again God gave me another amazing, sweet, beautiful Pilcher girl to constantly encourage me!

• Next up, Mark and Christi Cox. Indian Springs got a bus load of awesomeness when this couple rolled into town! I can only explain Mark Cox as like the best, pesky older brother possible. Pesky as in, he's a little turd sometimes. He likes to pick on us even though we have never done anything to provoke him. (That statement is the quintessence of sarcasm!) But he is, hands down, the best! You couldn't ask for a better guy to lead you through scripture and the lessons and plans God has for you! He is one of the best examples I've seen of someone living their life for Christ! And then there is his amazing wife, Christi. Like a mother to us all! Always there for us! Hilarious, full of love, and beautiful! They are the ones that definitely have taught me the most about relationships. Want your relationships to work out? Keep God first and foremost! Actually, if you always keep God that way, yes you'll have to go through some battles, but in the end God wins! Indian Springs could not have picked a better couple to look out for their youth group!

• A more recent, awesome person God has added to my life is Katie Clifton. You can tell just from spending a few minutes with her that God has touched her heart! And through that she is reaching so many others! Her constant passion, love, and fire for God is almost shocking at first! I was astounded before even really getting to know her and now I'm just awe-struck! God shows me so much with every conversation! A few weeks ago I was feeling completely torn down, broken, lost. I decided to text Katie about whatever was going on and while we were talking she told me to read Psalm 31:22-24 "In my alarm I said,“I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. Love the Lord, all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful, but the proud he pays back in full. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord"  For the past couple of years have been rough and I had been yelling "I am cut off from your sight!" But God was always there, he was always listening, just waiting for me to come back to him! I can't tell you how many times I've read that verse in the past month or so! God is working through Katie and my relationship! I'm just so excited to see what else he's going to do!

• And now, finally, the woman I could just tell the world about every single day and never run out of good things to say, the mom I got to choose, Shaleen Phillips. I will never be able to fully express how much I love, admire, and truly appreciate Mrs. Shaleen! She's the woman who finally got me to shut up and really listen in church. Which led to me being saved and baptized in 7th grade. She is the person who got me going to Small Groups. She is the reason I stayed in school the day my grandpa died, because the only person I wanted to see and hug in the whole world was her. God has used her to completely transform me. Shaleen Phillips: a strong, beautiful, unbelievably amazing woman who is always doing for others. You want to meet someone who shows how to be like the hands and feet of Jesus? Yeah, that's her! God has continually blessed me through knowing Mrs. Shaleen!  ♥

  Are you seeing the common theme with all of these great people? LOVE! God's love! They are not only effecting my life, but every one around them! God loves them, and you, so much! And they share that love with others! 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE! GOD LOVES US! He sent his one and only son to pay the ultimate price just so he can have a relationship with you!! It astounds me every time I hear it!
1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

A Plan For Every Rocky Situation

God has a plan for everything in your life. Everything that happens, bad or good, it is all for a reason. I'm sure you've heard it many times before, but it's because it's completely true! Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
The Bad: The part no one really like to talk about.
Whether it is to teach you a lesson about life or to flip you up side down and get you to do things differently, God has a plan for the bad stuff. My grandmother's death brought me so low that only God's love, forgiveness, and grace could have pulled me out. He saved me. He also brought be a lot closer to my family. For 2 years straight I went to Helena with my mom every weekend. I would say Grandma's death marked the ending of my little kid age. I saw my Nottos every holiday, but it was always the same. All of us cousins went up stairs and played. (Don't get me wrong, it was a blast) But I was completely missing the wonderful group of adults downstairs. I am so grateful for those two years. I really got to know my aunts and uncles. I mean, of course, I loved them before, but it was always "Hi how are you?" Hug. Go up stairs and play. But most of all I am thankful for my time with Grandpa. He went to go meet up in Heaven with his wife on October 6th, 2010, in my 9th grade year. And that was the second time my heart broke.
That year I also had to leave my beautiful Shilling and move up to the high school. Mrs. Shilling was my Civics teacher, and sponsor over the Green Team at BJH. Yeah, I know that may sound silly to most of you. Being completely torn up by leaving a teacher. But she was never just a teacher. A constant mentor, like having the perfect mix of mom and best friend at school with me every day. Talking to her about every little problem, whether it was just feeling down, or my grandpa passing away. She saw every side of me: happy, bitter, completely broken. Everything. And I will always count her as a mother. Also that year my beautiful sister, Madeline, and for sure best friend, Emily Pilcher, were graduating. I was angry at God. Furious. He was taking everyone away from me! Shilling my rock at school, Madeline my rock to every bad moment at home, Emily my rock for everywhere and everything.
Why was this happening to me? No, I wasn't the best Christian. I only read my bible at church. I didn't curse, I tried to be nice to people as much as possible, I didn't party or anything, and I was at church every time to doors were open. No, I wasn't the best, but I wasn't horrible. Again I was left confused and furious with God. What was he doing?! I was bitter. I was angry. I was sad. It took me until beach camp that summer to grasp that I was putting those people above God. While I understood a little more, I was still so heartbroken. I was not putting anything into my relationship with Christ.
While I had gotten hints on what I should do, actually I was basically full out told for two years, I refused it. I ran away. I spent a long time running. Especially recently. With once again my whole group of friends about to graduate, I've been pretty messed up. Spending quite a few hours feeling alone and just sobbing in my room. And that's where Katie Clifton comes in. Her love, obedience, and radical passion for God has made me start rethinking things. And until about two weeks ago I hadn't really stopped running from God.
God doesn't want some of my heart. He doesn't just want it when he has to finally crush me down, or that Sunday every once in a while when I'm really feeling good in worship. He wants me. ALL of me! For me to every day die to myself and follow him. Luke 9:23-24 "Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." To have faith in him in all situations. Psalm 62:8 "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." I am broken. And God is once again there (knowing he never really left) to pick up the pieces. Forging me in the fire to make a true follower. This weekend really solidified the steps I've been taking. Trying to read my bible before a few weeks ago was a check list, it felt like work. Now, I find my self in God's word a few times a day! Seeing what he has to show me through his word! And not just there! I'm thinking and talking to God all day! Trying to see what paths I should take in my every day life! I can already feel Satan trying to slip his way back in my life, but I AM NOT ALLOWING IT! God alone is giving the strength and faith I need!

James 1:2-3 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."
Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
John 14:6 "Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"
At some point in 8th grade, Mark asked us to pray a bold prayer. To pray for God to put us through trials so we could become closer to him. I prayed that prayer and I got shaken. And I'm finally fully reawakened to God. I can't express to you enough how happy I am! While God is still doing some rearranging in my heart, I have peace. He is giving me that. While my faith is still constantly being tested, I bring it right back to him, and his word! I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT GOD HAS IN STORE!

The Beginning

This past weekend I attended a church retreat called Reality Weekend with my youth group. All weekend Afshin Ziafat spoke about things God called you to do. Toward the end of his last service with us he talked about testimonies. How you are called to share what God has done in your life. That no one's testimony is "boring." I mean come on! It's the story of God bringing you to life! Before accepting God, you were dead! Psalm 68:20 "Our God is a God who saves! The Sovereign LORD rescues us from death." After each service the home you're staying in has a little discussion time. My youth pastor, Mark Cox, asked me lead the discussion this weekend, and I am so grateful! If you want to get people to open up, the best way to do it is to share some of your story. Getting to do that this weekend started a burning fire in me. I have decided I am going to start sharing my story more. So, let's start from the beginning.
The side of the family I've seen and grown up with the most are my Nottos. Think big Italian, Catholic family. As a young child I assumed the title of Catholic. (Now before I get into this, let me state. I am NOT attacking anyone. I love my family. And I have seen many Catholics following God's heart. And I understand there are many things about what they believe I will never understand. This is just my story.) I went to church as a "Catholic" very few times. I saw God as this big mighty guy in the sky. I had to do all these things all the times, or else I would get smighted. I thought I had to follow all these rules, and if I didn't I was out of the game. My relationship felt as only a judgement. I thought getting to heaven meant I had to do all these right things, and that I was completely screwed because I would never be able to do it all. My relationship was basically nonexistent.
In fifth grade my beautiful Lennie Ellen, my sweet grandmother, died. She was one of the closest people to God I have ever seen. I think it was the first time my heart truly broke. And I didn't understand it. How could God, the guy who's supposed to love me, take her away! She was so close to him and yet I only ever got to see her as sick, and in pain. How could that be?! If God loved me so much why did he take her away?
Around that time my brother started going to a Wednesday night service at Indian Springs with my neighbors. He went for a while, and got my older sister to start going. For a long time I thought Indian Springs was a joke. Just a place they were going to have fun and hang out with their friends. I turned my nose up feeling like they betrayed us by going to a Baptist church. Also around this time I was begging my mom to get me into Catholic classes. Everyone had this God, and I needed to be a part of something. Typically as a Catholic you are baptized as a baby, ironically enough, I wasn't. So at the time I felt even more rushed to belong.
Sixth grade used to be the age you could start attending Indian Springs' youth group, Ten10. I hadn't started classes yet, so my first week of sixth grade I went to Ten10. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. My brother had already stopped going, but my sister still was. I went my whole sixth grade year, and at that time I was just having fun. I met a lot of people, and brought my friends and it was a party every week. It definitely kept me coming back. But I still didn't quite understand the whole God thing. The next school year, I went back. But that fall my mom started asking me about signing up for Catholic classes. I was horrified. I had a couple of months to make a decision. Around that time a youth worker I was and am very close to (I'm going to have to write a blog on that beautiful lady later) jokingly commented on how my friends and I mostly talked through the services. I didn't see it that way before. So instead of talking, I started listening. In just a few weeks of listening I really started learning about this God. The one all of these new friends of mine from church had. Then the time came. I had to make a decision. Leave this new and exciting group I had found and was very curious about, or go to what I was expected to. First off, I love my mother. But the problem was she's always had the vision, wanting, of her as a proud momma with all of her little catholic babies at church with her. I didn't want to disappoint her, but I had this feeling that I couldn't leave my youth group! Not knowing what was ahead I told my mom I wasn't going to classes.
I continued to listen. A few weeks later I was in worship singing "Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our god is HEALER" and it hit me. I could never live perfectly, but God loves me so much that he'll forgive all of my sins. 1 John 1: 9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Following what God wanted was a really scary thought, but now that I knew about it, I couldn't miss the opportunity. It was at that time that I realized I was saved. I asked God into my heart and to forgive all of my sins. I realized he wasn't a god ready to squash anyone who didn't follow his rules. He is the God waiting for you with open arms. He loves you and wants a relationship with you. He wants to give you the best life possible with him forever!
 After the service and I ran up to Mark and told him I wanted to be baptized! Then I got another hit. I had to tell my mom I was going to be baptized. That I was officially a Baptist. I was terrified of telling her, of officially shattering that catholic babies dream. But she came, she supported me. Luckily I have parents who know their kids relationship with God, even if it's not where they expected it to be (ISBC), is the most important thing. On November 19th, 2008 I was baptized.

Above is just the beginning of the story of what God has done in my life. I'm sure I'll be sharing a lot more later ;)
I can't believe all that God has done since then! I have run away so may times, and He always fights back for my heart! He has brought so many great role models to show me how to live a passionate life for God. I have definitely become who I am today through Ten10 showing the the everlasting GRACE of GOD.