So, friends, I haven't talked much online about school this year.
I did not go to college this past fall, as most of you know. Mostly because of just pure fear; if I'm to be completely honest. I also just didn’t feel led to one school, and it was all a big mess. I was recently asked by our new youth pastor about the whole situation and replied with “Oh... that’s a looong story.” He asked me to just summed it down to one sentence. I thought about it for a moment and replied, “I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for college.” --I went to a wonderful high school with a lot of really caring teachers. Teachers that constantly encouraged me to do the best I could. I was super active in school activities and in five different clubs my senior year, officer in two of them, and was an honor graduate. All things preparing and pushing me toward college. But.. that was not in God’s plan for me.-- Last May I was just a total wreck. For example, on graduation day when everyone started lining up to go out for our graduation ceremony, I walked over to the corner and just started pacing and singing Roar to myself. I was on the edge of a major break down. And you can bet when I was still waiting and walking in line I was doing the macarena hard core. Lord, I was a mess. (Ha.. pretty sure I’ll always be a mess.) I do not like change. Change is so scary to me, especially when it means having to say goodbye to people. Teachers of Benton High School, if Gattis would have let me, you can bet solid money that I would have come to school every day this year to see you guys and just sit in your classes again. Class of 2014, I miss you guys so much and just wish I could walk those halls with you again. And then it gets to my Indian Springs family.. the thought of having to say goodbye to you guys.. not being able to see you as much and talk to you as much hurts my heart. God has done such big things through so many people at this great church, especially my sweet Shaleen.. To think about trying to do life without all of you constantly by my side scares me. Fear, goodbyes, “the great unknown where feet may fail.” All things wrapping up into a big ball of disappointment when fall 2014 rolled around and I was not at college.
Disappointment… Disappointment was a huge thing I wrestled with this fall. I felt totally disappointed in myself. I mean, come on! I had great teachers giving me a quality education, friends and family that loved me and supported me, and beautiful mentors that where there through thick and thin, the good times and bad times, continuously pointing me back to the Father and His unending love. I had all of this given to me, how in the world could I not be ready? I was ashamed of myself. You know how you get mentors in your life, and you are influenced by them, and your life kind of goes in a directions that follows them? Like you’re shaped by them, and you try to direct your choices and life to be more like them. Well in 9th grade one of my teachers said “You represent the people you love most in everything you do.” So everything I do should leave an impact of the people who have shaped me. My actions should leave an impression of “That gurl knows Jesus,” and an impression of all the ways I’ve been taught to, ya know, glorify the Father, love others, work hard, lead honorably, have a gentle spirit, be self-controlled, etc. All things taught to me by the Lord and by His influence through big, beautiful mentors. I am supposed to represent that. And of course, I fail at those things daily, but not going to college felt like a big “you’re a failure” slap to the face. And then when I thought about letting down all those people, the teachers, friends, mentors that spent so much time investing me.. I felt like a failed myself and all the people I love most, and that was a huge weight on my shoulders.
God used this school year as a time for rest, lots of prayer, lots of pruning, and many other things. I honestly just needed this year to further strengthen my foundation in Christ before trying to take on college.
SO now that we’ve covered all that, let’s get to the life updates!
Sometime in early January I sent in my application to UALR and got an acceptance letter a few weeks later! But honestly at this point I kind of just did it because I knew I had to got to school this fall, and UALR seemed to be the best option. When I mention applying in Crossroads on Sunday morning my now good friend Kayleigh mentions “Hey, you should check out this CLC scholarship!"
I rarely (like maybe a few times a year) wake up and actually remember a dream. On January 15th I had this dream that when I woke up I was smiling and excited for college all at once. It was the strangest thing!
After a bunch of random stuff in the dream, this lady is talking to Shaleen about me (like I’m not in the room) and says “Well..What if she doesn’t want to go to college? Maybe she just wants to get a job and start working. Plenty of people do that!” Shaleen replies, “God has called her out of her comfort zone. She doesn’t want to live in this fear. She’s stronger than that! She’s going to college.” And then after Shaleen walks over to me hugs me and says “The world has no idea what great things you have to offer.”
It was that simple! That one dream and I starting to get excited for college!
Then at Passion 2015, holy moley, so much growth in one weekend! Especially in Christine Caine’s sermon! She basically poured a whole tank of fuel on my fire/desire to go out to do work for the Lord! That work definitely including college! "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10) THE LORD has gone before me and prepared great things! God has already gone into my college years and right now is working things in my favor. Ya know, Jeremiah 29:11, God has promised plans to prosper me and to give me hope and future. God does not fall short on his promises. He will use all situations in the future, and the past, to glorify His name! Where God is glorified, amazing things happen!
So! I get home from Passion and start working on my CLC (Chancellor's Leadership Corps) and even had to meet-up with Kayleigh because I had 100 different questions about the application and the whole process after. To make it as close to perfect as possible, I spent a solid 6 hours or more on this application! On February 15th I got a letter from UALR offering me an academic scholarship of $4000 a year! On February 19th I got a letter asking me to come to the next step of the CLC process, an interview on March 7th. I go out, buy myself a pair of slacks and a nice shirt, and try to mentally prepare for this interview. The day of the interview I get a few “Hey! I love you, and I’m praying everything goes well! You’re going to do great!” texts. I went in, did my thing, and then on the way out got more texts like “SO?! How did it go??” I didn’t really know how to answer them, because it was a group interview and I feel like those are very hard to judge. During our interview time we were told there were over 600 applications, over 400 made it to the interview step, and there were about 175 spots for this scholarship. Even then, all the CLC information pages said they could offer you up to $8000, not necessarily that you were going to be offered all $8000.
I asked Kayleigh sometime after when she thought I would hear back from them and she guess around mid-April. So I decided to just put it out of my thoughts, worrying about it wasn’t going to change anything. With or without it I was going to UALR and the Lord would find a way to get me there.
So I come in the front door Thursday night feeling totally wiped out after a workout with Shaleen at McClure Fitness, and just fall/face plant right on the couch. Dad asks “Do you have the energy to stand up again?” “...no” “Well.. you have mail from UALR over there..” I immediately jolt up, run to the mail, rip open the letter, and read “Congratulations! It is my pleasure to announce that you have been awarded the Chancellor’s Leadership Corps (CLC) Scholarship!” I hold my breath to look down and find how much they’re offering me and there it is!!!! $8000 a year! I start throwing my arms in the air, pass off the letter to Mom, and run to my room to call people! Through the first 5 or so calls I’m just crying and can’t stop saying “I’m so excited!!”
And as I’m writing all of this I’m just rejoicing in His goodness and faithfulness. Thank you thank you thank you, Father for giving me this opportunity!! He is so so good to me!
You all have been fully updated on what happened last year, and the great ways God’s been preparing me and my path for His good works!
Your very excited future UALR Trojan,
Cassy Ann Strickland
